10 things you can do to make your love last forever

Ah, the sweet smell of love. Why can it fade?

When singles dream about being in love and in a relationship, they seldom dream of getting together with a partner for a few months or years, only to break up and go on to find another partner. They’re looking for that one person that’ll last their lifetime.

And, for those of us in relationships — even in relationships that may be experiencing turbulence — hope we can be in our relationship for a lifetime as well. We hope we can find a way to work out our difficulties and make our love last.

There is a way to have love and passion that lasts a lifetime, but the road there is not easy and requires courage and perseverance. Actually, the road to a lifetime of love requires many things and many ways of being that are extraordinary. Here are some things you must do to create a lasting love:

1. Reframe How You Look at Relationships
Most of us think a relationship is OK when it’s working and we’re happy. Once the relationship encounters difficulties, however, we think it may be a mistake. The truth is that having tough times is normal. In fact, when you begin to encounter those rough patches, you know your relationship is reaching a deeper level.

2. Learn to Speak Up
We’re not trained to speak up when our feelings are hurt, when we’re angry or when we don’t like what’s going on. Rather, we are trained to look the other way, to suppress our feelings, to let the situation blow over. But if we don’t speak up when our feelings arise, they’ll fester in our minds and hearts and cause resentments, which in turn will cause us to distance and shut out our partner. There’s no way around this — you must deal with your feelings, no matter how subtle, or they’ll eat away at your relationship.

3. Learn to Be Your Own Person
Many people surrender who they are when they enter a relationship. They may surrender all or parts of their hobbies, friends, wants, needs, thoughts, likes and dislikes. The idea is that the more like their partner they become, the more harmony there will be in the relationship — which will make love last.

In reality, however, nothing could be further from the truth. Either you maintain and enhance who you are, or the relationship will get stale, boring and angry.

4. Learn to Grow and Develop Willingly and Eagerly
A relationship must be a dynamic entity in order to stay viable. This means the two partners need to grow and develop, growing their capacity to deal with more emotions, to deal with deeper conversations, to look inside themselves more effectively. This is the one key behavior that you absolutely need to keep your relationship alive and happy.

5. Learn How to Create Good Feelings
We often think that good feelings in the relationship will arise naturally if the relationship is working. This is true some of the time. At other times, the way to deal with relationship difficulties is to bring generosity, love, compassion, trust and understanding to bear on what’s happening between the two of you. This is not the same as swallowing your feelings or pretending they’re not there. Rather, the process is one of identifying your feelings, then rising up above them to also feel for your partner. This creates connection instead of distance and keeps the relationship growing rather than falling apart.

6. Learn How to Maintain and Deepen Passion
Passion is both a reflection of how well the relationship is doing and the glue that keeps the two people together. Without passion, a relationship is guaranteed to disintegrate.

How do you deepen passion? Keeping things lively and interesting through innovation is certainly one way. Romance is another. Generosity toward your partner in all aspects of life is yet another, as is revealing — not hiding — what’s inside of you — both in and out of the bedroom.

7. Learn to Take Care of Your Own Needs
There will be times in any relationship when your partner will either be unwilling or unable to take care of your emotional and/or physical needs. During these times, your choices will be to:

• Suffer over it and make your partner suffer over it later
• Get your needs met in a way that causes damage to your relationship, such as having an affair
• Find a way to temporarily take care of your wants or needs
• Ask others to help with your needs in a healthy way

I’m sure you can tell which of the choices above will promotethe health and well-being of your relationship, and which choices will help it disintegrate.

8. Learn to Deal With Emotional Pain and Discomfort
Emotional pain and discomfort is par for the course in a relationship. To identify whether the pain is good and productive, simply ask yourself whether it’s a part of your growth. For example, the pain felt from having to confront a part of yourself you don’t like is good. Pain from being beaten up by your partner is bad. The first must be embraced and experienced. The second must be handled and the situation remedied immediately.

9. Learn to Share What’s Inside of You
Many of us hide what’s inside of us for fear of becoming vulnerable. But this is exactly the way to make love last — to become increasingly vulnerable with our partners, increasingly seen by our partners. Isn’t that what you really want — to be truly seen and still loved? This isn’t possible unless you reveal yourself. Even if you are not completely embraced and loved for what you reveal, it’s better to keep delving deeply into yourself and to be known as much as possible. Depth guarantees connection and longevity of the relationship.

10. Learn to Be Courageous
It takes courage to speak your mind. It takes courage to keep revealing yourself. It takes courage to take risks and explore new parts of yourself, not knowing how your partner will react. It takes courage to keep looking inside and growing. It takes courage to do every single thing listed above. These maybe the most courageous acts you will be asked to take in your lifetime. Yet each one is necessary if you are to have the love you desire.

Why Men Leave Women They Love

There's ego involved in this "let's fall in love" stuff, and it's high time we all just admit that.
If I had it to do all over again, I probably would have left sooner. And more often.
At this stage in the game — 44, divorced, three kids — I'm sure it's easy, or easier, at least, for me to look back on the long term relationships I've been involved in in my life and say that kind of thing. On the surface, it kind of oozes insincerity. Why even acknowledge that now? Why look back on broken love and try to second-guess your own heart?

I'm not sure, actually. I only know it feels legit now. I don't think I ever left anyone when I should have. It's very possible that certain sorts of people, for whatever reasons, linger around in sh*tty unions long after they've gone bad. But I suppose it's a two-way street. It takes two to make it last. And it takes the same two to hunker down in the middle of Hurricane Denial, too.
Still, if nothing else, not having walked away earlier has taught me a few things about why men DO leave women they love. 
***
In Justice Schanfarber's insightful and inspiring piece, "Why Women Leave Men They Love," she talks about the clutch importance of men being present in the eyes, heart and mind of their girlfriend or wife. And that presence, according to the author, means "...your aliveness. She needs to feel it. She wants to talk to you about what matters to her and to feel that you're listening to her. Not nodding politely. Not placating. Definitely not playing devil's advocate."
In other words, you never shut it down. You don't close up your emotional shop. And you don't pour yourself into booze or work or other women, or worst of all, silence. You communicate. You listen. You actually hear what she says. You remain an active lover and partner instead of a flighty, self-centered dipsh*t.

Same goes for women, too. That seems obvious enough.
Yet beyond all of that there remains something else, something more that causes men to leave women whom they still adore and cherish.
Men, it turns out, want to be treated like men — but never compared to other men. And as you might imagine, sitting here in the comfortable armchair of an internet article, THAT is the sort of relationship stuff that can get kind of tricky for the ladies.
***
I went through some bad times in my relationships. And in my marriage, too.
What sucked the most, though, was that I either never had the balls to call her/them on it, OR I was just too lazy to even bother recognizing the tumult in my guts. Throughout the years I spent with several women, I wasn't your typical guy in a lot of ways.
My life was spent playing in a touring rock-n-roll band. It's what I'd chosen to do with my days and nights and from the very first moments of career choice I absolutely hurled myself at it with every ounce of passion and hunger and desire I had. I was young. Then I was older. But here I was, barely eeking out a meager living (by anyone's modern standards) by doing something that mattered to me. A lot.
Guess what, though? I was surprised to find out that my passion DIDN'T always make that much difference to my partners. In fact, there were many many many times when I felt the opposite was true. Sure, they'd each loved the idea of a rock band guy in the beginning. But soon after they would change their tune about it all.
All of things that musicians deal with — the drama, the laughable account balances, the constant travel, and the perpetual ebbing and flowing of my own difficult hopes and dreams smashing up against someone elses' shores — they all proved to be troublesome in my love affairs.
Women could look me in the eye and tell me they believed in me, that they WANTED me to chase my passion. But behind their eyeballs there was always a lot of secret plotting and planning going on.

After a few years in certain relationships, I began to sense that there was an urgency in an entirely different direction coming from the other side. A ravishing need to get me to be something else, to chase something more "practical" and "sensible."
"Get a Commercial Driver's License so you can drive a dump truck." 
That's what I was told by someone I really loved a lot. And I'm not saying she was wrong, either. Maybe I was supposed to be a dump truck driver in this life. Who knows? I can't say for sure. But whatever. I should have left her then and there. And I wonder what may have happened if I did.
***
There's a ton of ego involved in this "let's fall in love" stuff, and it's high time we all just admit that. We all want what we f*cking want most of the time and rare is the relationship or marriage when that reality doesn't rear its natural head on a regular basis.
Looking back, I'm sure I see my younger self with sympathetic eyes now. I want to shift blame from me to her. I want to rally around my fevered spirit and my unbridled passion for being me, and never ever let that slide as an excuse for someone to have stopped loving me, you know?
But I know enough now to know that it's never ever one thing or the other. Love flares up out of complex conflagration. And loves dies from fifty different arrows to the face at once. Nothing is as simple as saying, "Do THIS and THAT and you'll win his/her heart ... then keep it forever." In fact, it's utter bullsh*t to even start to think that way.
Yet we can learn from life, from failed love, no matter how hard it's been on us. No matter how much it may hurt to leave someone you love, or to be the who is left behind.
The trick, I'm starting to think, is to understand that we're hardly ever doing enough. We're barely ever making the effort we ought to be making to love the person we fell in love with even long after the first years have past.

You cannot change another human being. You can only inspire them to change. For themselves. For you. For the kids. For the greater good. And it's that very thing, that insight and penchant for inspiring change, that inspires our partner to love us until death do us part.
More and more, though, we laugh at the idea, don't we? We snicker at the term "marriage" and we flip our bird at the idea of one love that stands the test of time.
Know why? Because it's always easier to leave people, especially the ones we love, than it is to incite the kind of changes that make both of us want to keep it alive. That's hard, conscientious work. It requires a hell of a lot of passion. But by the time we realize that, we're too busy dreaming of something different. Of a better life someday. With someone else.
So you leave. Or I do. Same thing in the end.

LAD!ES: 10 TIPS TO MAKE HIM WANT YOU MORE

Granted I’m not relationship expert, girls, but I do know of some pretty effective ways for making your guy stick around, such as how to make him want you more around the clock!

Guys are of a different breed, so remember they think completely differently than we do.

What you think may be the best approach may be completely opposite of what is going to work to charm him and keep him wanting you.

A person who wants you will want more than just your sexual affection, but will want to spend more time with you just for being you.

They will appreciate you and just want to be around you, no matter where you’re at.

To pull this off, follow these little tips for how to make him want you more.

I promise they don’t only work, but they’re great tips for a girl to know overall!

1. Go More Natural

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Believe it or not, as fun as it is to get all dolled up for your guy, one of the best ways on how to make him want you more is to go more natural.

Use less hair products, don’t wear crazy makeup, and don’t feel like you have to wear makeup all the time around him.

Guys like to see you get dressed up, but they also prefer your natural side more than they do you being dressed up all the time, or wearing a full face of makeup around the clock.

That being said, unless you’re going out for a night on the town, go more natural.

Your guy will see the real you, which is what you want him to want in the first place!

 

 

2. Don’t Try Too Hard

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It can be so easy when we are nervous to try a little harder to make a guy want us.

For instance, we might decide to spend extra time getting ready, and dress ourselves up all the time extra special.

Or, we may send him cards, texts, or other things to let him know we’re thinking about him.

Or, maybe you’re like me, and you tend to express yourself through your words.

If so, don’t overload him with how much you’re into him.

You can let him know in subtle ways without chasing him or trying too hard.

Guys like to know that girls are relaxed around them and comfortable enough around them to remain low key.

They also tend to like a girl who is a little shy, so don’t be too overbearing at first.

Guys hate a nag, and a whiny girl, so never, ever resort to either of these habits and expect to get positive results.

3. Don’t Appear Too High Maintenance

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Men who think they have to dress a certain way or provide a certain dollar amount of #money to keep up with a woman’s beauty or material maintenance can lose interest very quickly.

They can also lose their interest in you because they feel like your demands or needs are too much to deal with.

Don’t be too high maintenance and expect this to be attractive to a #man.

While it’s fine to want nice things or look nice, find a happy medium here so you keep it safe.

4. Make Him Work for Your Attention a Little

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If you’re out to eat or see a movie, one of the #best ways to make your guy want you more is to let him do most of the work.

Let him grab your hand, steal a kiss, or open the door for you.

Let him know you expect these things by not being the first one to make all the moves.

Also, when you get home from a date, don’t text him right away, but let him text or call you instead.

If he doesn’t, wait until the next day.

If you haven’t heard from him by the next day, then you should still wait to let him #contact you.

Don’t go chasing him if he doesn’t even have the courtesy to call you after a date.

He’s not worth your time;

trust me!

 

 5. Don’t Call Him First

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Once again girls, this rule is golden!

Never call a guy first.

It implies you’re more into him than he is you, and guys actually prefer to do the work in the early parts of a relationship.

Let him call you instead of you calling him.

I promise this not only works, but most guys will want you more because they know you respect yourself enough to follow this rule too.

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6. Be Nice to His Friends

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If you can’t stand your man’s friend, it can be hard to pull this trick off, but you must, hun!

No guy wants to see a girl be rude to his friend.

Just like we would stick up for our girlfriend, they will stick up for male friend too.

They might put up with you being rude to their friends for awhile, but not for long, I promise.

Guys like girls who respect their friends, family and co-workers.

It implies you are respectful of them by you showing courtesy to people in their lives.

7. Don’t Act Too Jealous

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This one can be tough, especially if you’ve had a number of guys #cheat on you before.

No matter how hard it is, you can’t be too jealous of anyone in a relationship.

To make him want you more, show you are confident in the relationship and yourself.

If he gives you a reason to doubt him, then you may want to question if being in the relationship is best for you period.

If you’re not sure, don’t confront him until you have enough evidence to prove him guilty, or it will only make you seem like the bad guy.

If other girls flirt with your guy in front of you, let me share with you a handy tip.

As hard as it may be, instead of acting jealous, smile at her, extend your hand and introduce yourself as his 

Kindness kills, sweetie!

8. Make Him Laugh

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Guys love a girl who can make them laugh, just like we do!

When you can make a guy laugh, he'll be interested in your personality and make him want to spend more time around you.

Part of making a guy want you is having him want to spend more time with you, so make a funny joke.

Don't be afraid to poke fun at yourself and definitely don't be afraid to poke fun at him.

9. Make Plans without Him

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Don't be so available for him!

Guys don't want a girl that is always around because there is no desire left in that.

If you make plans with your friends and he wants to see you, he might feel a little let down but he'll ask again.

He wants to spend time with you already so leave him hanging every once in a while.

This will make him want you even more.

We all want what we can't have.

10. Act Confident

Who doesn't love a confident person?!

We all find confidence, not cocky, people because it's an attractive quality.

Guys don't want a timid girl that is always talking down and doubting herself.

Confidence is sexy!

Don't ever forget to lift your chin up and walk like you own the place, make people look.

10 Ways to Make Girl On Top Even Hotter

If we had to crown the MVP (most valuable position) of sex, it'd be girl on top. You may have a different opinion, but this move puts you in the driver's seat and lets you take control of your orgasm. So what if we told you there was a way—10 in fact!—to intensify your climax in this position? Believe it, because it's happening. Just try these simple tricks to take your girl-on-top routine to new heights:   

1. Play with Your Boobs
In case you didn't already know, your breasts and nipples are two of your biggest erogenous zones. Tease, massage, apply pressure—really anything that makes your girls (and you) happy, suggests Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First.

2. Drop It Like a Squat
Straddle your guy in a squat-like stance to give yourself more power to control thrust angle, depth, and strength, says Ava Cadell, Ph.D., author of NeuroLoveology: The Power to Mindful Love & Sex. 

3. Bring Reinforcements
Your vibrator is a solid choice, but you can do better—much better. Check out a wearable sex toy for couples (like the Ela Vibrating Ring or the LELO Ida) so that it stimulates both of you, says Jessica O'Reilly, Ph.D., author of The New Sex Bible.

4. Squeeze Your Legs
When you bring your knees closer together, it squeezes your pelvic muscles and allows for greater friction between his penis and your clitoris, says Cadell.

5. Adjust the Rhythm
Sex doesn't have to be a race (unless you're looking for a quickie). So switch your speed between fast and slow and change up the depth from shallow to deep to allow for various types of stimulation, says Kerner. You can also move your hips in a circular motion instead of an up-and-down direction, says O'Reilly.

6. Get Kinky
Power is sexy, and in this position, you're in total control. If you're interested in a bit of kink, try binding his wrists together and blindfolding him so that he's unaware of what you're doing, says O'Reilly. You'll feel like a master of sex, and he'll find the surprise element very erotic.

7. Give Yourself a Hand
Here's an oldie-but-a-goodie: With one hand caressing your boobs, use the other to manually stimulate your clitoris, says Kerner. Something tells us your partner won't mind being ignored for a moment, so long as they get to enjoy this view.

8. Hold Their Gaze
One of the best ways to have incredible sex is to create smokin' hot chemistry between you and your partner. So to boost your intimacy, stare into his eyes and lock it down, says Kerner. Research suggests that this kind of contact satisfies both emotional and physical pleasure.

9. Lie Flat on His Chest
Consider this a slight twist on this beloved position: Not only will you feel (and literally be) closer, but the skin-to-skin rubbing of your boobs on his chest only heightens the experience for both of you, says O'Reilly. Plus, the angle of your vagina will stimulate your clitoris in a new, possibly better way.

10. Hit the Floor
Bed, we love you—but you can take this sex position to unfamiliar places to spice things up. Try a soft carpet on the floor, suggests Kerner, who notes that it will provide more support for your thrusts.

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5 Sex Positions To Get You Off When He Has A BIG Penis

 

Bigger isn't always better, but with a little bit of help it can be pretty great.

I may be writing a list of the best sex positions for coping with a big penis, but let's be clear: Every sex position is the best sex position for having sex with a big penis if you take the proper steps first. 

Just because a guy has a big penis that doesn't mean he has no ability to communicate with words (I mean, sometimes it does, but let's be kind here). The sex position you pick doesn't mean diddly if you can't communicate with your partner.

His big penis will be a big let down if you can't tell him what works, what doesn't work, and what is not possible because of physics. 

The best sex positions on the planet are vastly improved by the use of lube. So much lube. All of the lube. Yes, friction is your friend, sure. But in this case, the problem is too much friction. Lube can ease that big ol' penis inside like the finest of southern hostesses. Get some now. 

Finally, when it comes to a big penis, go slow. It's easy to get caught up in the moment and let horniness overtake you, but if you want minimal pain and maximum pleasure take your ever-lovingly time. His penis isn't going anywhere. I mean, unless a witch put a walkabout hex on it, which seems unlikely. 

With that public service announcement out of the way, here are some of the best sex positions for enjoying a big penis. 

1. Reverse cowgirl 

As a rule, being on top is the best bet for conquering a big penis. In this position, mount him in reverse and use your palms to support yourself and control just how far in he can go. The view is killer for him, and it makes for a great training session vis a vis what works when he's on top, and what just won't fly. 

2. Standing Doggystyle 

Have him enter you from behind while standing. Because you aren't the same height, you don't need to worry about the thrust factor when he penetrates. You've also got easy access to your clit for stimulation. For this position, as with so many others, lube is your friend. 

3. The "I do"

Get him on one knee like he's proposing (hence the name). Face him on both knees and guide him inside of you. This is a tricky, tricky position, but the angle and the precarious nature of the pose make it great for experimenting with a big penis. You control just how much of that shaft winds up inside of you. Plus the eye contact can be hot. 

4. Side by side 

This is a classic sleepy Sunday pose that isn't popular with dudes because they've got no torque to propel themselves into you - making it perfect for sexing up a big dick. 

5. Standing Tripod 

While standing and facing each other, wrap one of your legs around his waist, he can help out here and hold on if he'd like. Then go to town. When you're standing deep penetration is pretty difficult, making this a hot position to get you both started.

3 Q's You MUST Answer To Know If Your Love Will Last A LIFETIME

Here's how you can REALLY tell.

We are never taught about being in love growing up. It’s mind blowing that we receive zero formalized training around arguably the most significant area of our entire lives.

One of the things that many of my clients have asked me about over the past several years is how to know whether or not they’re in the kind of love that leads to a long-term emotionally fulfilling relationship.

More specifically, they want to know if they’re in love with their partner (and the emotional honeymoon will soon fade away) or if they actually love them, in a way that will last.

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I had a client come to me last year with a question that I’ve been asked in many various forms before:

“I’ve been dating this guy for the past four months, and I feel really good about him. We have a lot of compatibility in a lot of different areas. He feels like he’s fast becoming my best friend (in a good way), we have amazing conversations, and we both find each other sexually attractive. Since we just rounded the four month mark in our relationship, I know that the initial chemical high of our early romantic attachment is starting to wear off, and we’re settling into something different.

So my question is… what should I be looking for in this new phase of our relationship that signals our long-term compatibility? After the big dopamine flood of how most relationships start… how do I know if this is the real thing? What signals can I notice in my body, my behaviour, or our interactions that signal our long-term compatibility?

Put simply, we have already been ‘in love’… now what does the emerging, authentic act of ‘loving’ look like?”

(Side note: we worked together, I helped her navigate the tricky emotions, and they’re now one of my most happily married clients! Yay! But I digress…)

You’ve likely been in a similar situation at some point in your personal journey.

Wouldn’t it be so much easier to be able to recognize the tried and true warning signs of long-lasting love? Well, you’re in luck. That’s what we’re going into right…….. now!

Here are the three biggest things you should be looking for in order to tell the difference between being in love and actually loving someone:

1. Do you want them? Or do you want the absolute best for them?

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When you’re in love with someone, and you’re being hit by wave after wave of all of the dizzyingly addictive happy brain chemicals, you sometimes feel dependent on their presence in order to feel extra-super-happy. You want to be around them as much as possible. Your entire being lights up when you see them in your vicinity.

When you truly love someone, in a clean, unattached way, there is an overwhelming sense of wanting the absolute best for them.

If you are in partnership with them, it becomes part of your personal mission to help them to grow and expand to the greatest possible fullness of who they are. And if you aren’t in a relationship with them (because you never were or because you no longer are) you still cheer them on from afar and want them to be as free and expansive as they can be.

True love is wanting the absolute best for someone, even if what is best for them is to not be in a relationship with you.

True love wants them to soar, and not be weighed down by anything that doesn’t fully serve them.

True love is unselfish. True love serves the person being loved on every level.

So if you find yourself thinking “I have never wanted better things for a person than I do for them … ever” then there’s a very good chance that you have a clean, authentic love for this person … and if you’re lucky enough for them to also want to be with you, then you have found something beautiful and resilient.

2. Is it "peak and valley" or "slow growth over time" love?

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Does your love slowly grow with time or does it slowly fade away with time?

Research has shown that over a sixty year period of time, ‘passionate love’ spikes in the first 6-12 months of a relationship and then peters off rapidly, whereas ‘companionate love’ only grows with time. I wrote about this particular phenomenon in my article Kindling vs. Coal: How To Know If Your Relationship Will Last.

 

3. Will you fall out of love with them when the chemical rush is over? Or will you never stop loving them and cheering them on whether you’re with them or not?

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Put simply… your feelings of being in love either ends, or it doesn’t.

In order to have a long-term relationship work, you and your partner need to have physical, emotional, and intellectual compatibility.

If you have one or two out of the three, your intimate partnership will undoubtedly always feel like something is lacking or unfulfilling.

So if you find your love feelings fading away rapidly after you get spit out the other end of the initial infatuation phase, then you were probably only ‘in love.’

But if you feel a more grounded, resilient kind of love for them that will always be present for them, regardless of whether or not you are fighting, in the same room as each other, or even in a relationship with one another, then you’re more likely to be actually loving them.

Remember, true love doesn’t grasp. It doesn’t say “I will only love you if you are mine" or "...if you ‘make’ me feel loved 100% of the time" or "...if you act in this specific way that I need you to.”

True love liberates.

It makes the person that you love more themselves than they’ve ever been. It helps them move towards their authentic selves and away from their masks, "should"-thinking, and compromising.

–

The first several months of a new relationship can feel like when a rip tide takes you under during a surf session. The water tumbles you around for some unknown amount of time where you don’t know which direction is up, and then it eventually spits you out, gasping for air.

Once the infatuation phase is over, you can see with clearer eyes as to whether or not you want to continue on in the relationship.

I could write twenty dichotomies for you to chew on and journal about, but ultimately, you know it when you feel it. Your heart is currently and will forever be the foremost expert of what decision you need to make. So listen to it. It knows the answer to every question you have.